How many of us have become acutely aware due to the lockdown, of how much of our lives were devoted to the service of busyness, serving ourselves starving to fill the bellies of someone else, constantly putting our needs at the bottom of a heap?
I have become aware of the act of living, the choices of living, the awareness of living - and in so doing honouring the lifeblood in my veins which speaks to a line a thousand strong of people who died so that I might live.
I become aware of the squandering of precious moments engaged in negative cycles, worrying over meaningless trivial notions, tied up in caring for those who did not care about me, and how I had bled my pages dry when I had so much more than I could say...
I submerge myself into the blood pool of my own creative womb. I drown the girl I used to be, over and over, until my lungs ache and my spine becomes steel. I am so used to forgetting who I am in the service of someone else. I was taught that way.
The battle of shadow rages and I ride out to meet it, tired of the constant berating of my character by people who know not a thing about me, whether or not they think they might. I silence their voices in my head, they are not honoured here. I will pay them no mind.
Have you ever felt the clawing of others who seek to depose you from your crown for no reason better than in so doing they determine their own worth? I have, and I have allowed it to burden me overlong. No more, no more, this is my life, and you are not centre stage in this soliloquy. I have to remember how to live.
What brings me pleasure, what sets my spark alight.
The essence of this Beltane is the beating heart of what it means to truly be alive, the great gift of opportunity and time, and getting aligned with what makes us feel emboldened and emblazoned. What stokes the fire of your personal passion, Starlet? Burn away that which truly does not matter. Let the toxic threads that strangle be done.
Much love, Joey - The Starry Eyed Witch