original art - Nova Garza
Who are you in the darkness where nobody sees?
Where pain meets our soul, our resolve is tested, and we, as spiritual practitioners, look headlong into the dark night of our own psyche, wondering what we are worth. Inner rumblings of inadequacy surface with pinpoint accuracy, knowing how to wound us.
I have discussed my struggle with self worth before, and after a wonderful dialogue with the gorgeous soul Ember Honeyraven and the commentary that arose from it, the evolution of awakening and understanding began to form around this topic.
Self worth is a major lesson for us under the Goddess Morrigan. Those of us who feel called by Her are confronted time and again by the only enemy that can ever truly unravel our lives - Ourselves. I personally don't believe complete and unfailing self worth something we just have, unquestioningly, because that's kind of anti human really; and it is never unwavering.
We have cycles of self worth.
There are moments where we feel proud of our accomplishments, our courage, the obstacles that we have overcome, and the pleasures we created. Our medicine births out into the world and we crinkle with joy as it spreads its wings and touches other peoples' lives. So too do we have moments of shadow; feeling useless and unaccomplished; playing the dangerous game of comparison - to others, to imagery, to the voice in our head that informs us where we should be. This is a natural part of the human experience, especially for those with their finger on the witch pulse of the spiritual ecosystem; emotions come in waves and each has their own cycle. We listen to the conch shell of our own heart and glean deeper insight with each new tale, woven with salt-laced tears and gurgling laughter.
But for those who follow the Goddess Morrigan, the journey of self worth can feel more like an ongoing series of tests and trials; a bloody combat where the soul is forced to fight back against layers of conditioning, ill-treatment and inner shadow. It is no exaggeration to state that those who find themselves beneath the Corvids' wings arrive bloodied and bruised by the experiences of life (whether figuratively or literally); they have clawed tooth and nail to survive and overcome, they are often in the process of reclamation.
To seek to reclaim themselves in an empowered state of knowing that whilst they are never entitled to an outcome, they deserve every opportunity with which they are presented. To reclaim the recognition and visibility for their hard work and successes, and to be seen as wholly (and holy) themselves.
For the sons and daughters of the Morrigan, self worth is a journey that lasts life-long, perhaps even soul-long over many incarnations, and allowing it to be transitional, fluctuating, and learning from the resonance it brings into your being at each stage is deeply empowering. As long as that self worth comes from the inner self, and is not a crutch from outside, it is an eternal seed of growth. The states of low and high self esteem are teachers, of noble star stuff and humble earthiness; of being the best of all parts of ourselves without apology or arrogance.
Under the Goddess Morrigan we learn what I will affectionately (and somewhat understatedly) refer to as the "hard way," because in the reforging of ourselves, we learn the depths of our own strength and resilience. Bluntly put, we remember who the f*ck we are.
We will find ourselves tested, time and again, put at the mercy of those who wish us to be small, unnoticed, comfortable, predictable... and unseen. There will be situations that poke our shadow and hold up a mirror to our self doubt, until we either run from it, or face it - and the Morrigan will repeat these situations, time and again, until unwilling shifts to reluctant, and reluctant shifts to action. We are the model and the artist behind our own change; only we, ourselves, can ever truly empower ourselves. To become addicted to praise and attention from others is ultimately placing a ticking bomb on our sovereignty - it will blow up in our faces. The Goddess Morrigan (and indeed all Goddesses I have ever energetically touched) do not believe in self-effacing, in crucifying the self with self-pity and self-apology. To wring ones hands time and again and name ones self as 'poor' and 'meek' or 'weak' and 'sinful.' To refuse to take ownership of ones worth, to hinge all on someone elses' word, is to set yourself up for miserable defeat, and no warrior Goddess could ever encourage such flawed tactics.
So too is the issue with hubris and arrogance; to which I simply re-quote one of my favourite G.R.R Martin quotes; "And any man who must say 'I am king' is no true king at all." (Albeit of course in our case gender neutral, applying to all parts of ourselves.)
So embrace the journey; the cycles of self worth; of trials by combat and fire, knowing deep down that you were made for this; with victory in your bones, resilience of steel determination. You can always rise, Starlet. You can transmute from survivor into thriver and allow your inner glory to ring resolute throughout the spiritual ecosystem, knowing, with pride, that you, and only you, define yourself, and moreover, that is never stagnant but always growing!
Throw out the labels, the titles, the indicators of worth that 'prove' you to others, and embrace yourself in your complexity, your sovereignty - your own SELF WORTH.
Many blessings, starlet